Life after school

For several years now I had dreamed of going off to college to make something of myself. It was my one big ticket out. In High School I had done just enough work to make sure I could get in to college and I had researched and researched them to find one I liked. My Aunt Mary even drove me to one about an hour away when my mother wouldn't. Let me say this about my Aunt Mary, she was hateful, but I knew she cared about me and she would try and help me in life. One time I overheard my mother tell her she was going to give me away and I could tell that my Aunt Mary told her she wasn't either that is the kind of thing I mean.I graduated on June 7th, 1991. I had applied to three schools and was accepted, but I had my heart set on going to Lindsey Wilson in Columbia,Kentucky. The only problem was I was supposed to come up with $400.00 that my financial aid package didn't include. I stayed in bed that day sick to my stomach. I was too embarrassed to know I had come so close to my dream only to have the rug pulled out from under me.So instead of going and figting for my dreams I did what I always do which is litterally pull the covers over my head and stay in bed!
I had worked all through High School at the local Hardee's and for a time the paper office too. Still I had been unable to save the money because I had given most of it to my mother who had suddenly developed a taste for antique junk. She used to go into this store and tell the owner I would pay for it and he would come out to the car and tell me how much I owed him! I also didn't save money and still don't to this day because after my first summer working third shift I had saved 500 to get a car with, but my cousin the one that threw me across the room wanted to buy a new vehicle and needed 500 more down payment so my mother gave him my money and then told him not to worry paying it back. Then I wasn't even allowed to get my permit till I was 18! So ever since then I have had a fear that if I have money saved someone else will wind up with it so I spend every penny I get.
I was too stupid that day to drive to the school and explain it to them, and get a job over there to make up the difference, plus I was too scared to try it. I thought what if I failed? I know now I could do it, but back then I had no clue! Man would my life had been different, but for now it was just Hardee's in my future, but God had a big surprise waitng for me!