New Postings Alert

I had planned on posting tonight, but it is getting so late here in the Eastern Time Zone so in the morning I will be making several posts be sure to click in.

Notice

I will be writing my new posts for the week Sunday evening after 9. This weekend is just busy busy but I will explain all then, and I have several posts to make that I think will be really interesting. Thank you and God bless!!

Prayer Request

I usually only do this on my Religous blogs, but this one is so important. On Wednesday night in my town a lady I do not know, but had spoke to once named Michelle Black fell asleep at the wheel and one of her three children died as a result, another was seriously injured. I can't imagine what this family is going through with the guilt and the grief. Please, Please remember her and her family.

Another new job.... the most important one so far!

Finally, after 6 weeks of interviews all over Kentucky I got a job with Clayton Homes in Stanford. I was excited because according to my interviewers this job paid about 40 to 50,000 a year! That was about twice as much as the furniture store, plus I thought it would be great for leads on Real Estate. Shew my money problems were over, and I was a big success with a great job, that I vowed to never quit, my money problems were over right?! Man was a naive kid or what! The job was of course commission only, and while some salespeople did make good money, some did not. My weekly check was called a draw and came out of what I sold, even worse it was only for minimum wage! Nobody told me I would start off in the whole for minimum wage! Oh crap is the only way to describe my emotions at the time! I can't make it on minimum wage! What if I don't sell anything do I have to pay the draw back? I was getting my education the hard way!! What if this was a big scam like the vacuum cleaners? I had no choice again, but to stick it out and see if people really bought these new mobile homes. I loved getting to see all the new homes I was living in moms 12 by 48 1973 trailor and these new 95 models were so much nicer than how we lived I wondered if maybe someday we could get one.
My first Saturday I sold a used house and made like almost 400, course by the time I got paid I owed it in draw. So that's how it went for the first 6 weeks or so, I would sell it and by the time it closed and then all the paperwork was approved and I could actually get paid it just went to pay my draw back. Still I knew I was onto something here. I was good at this and I LOVED IT! The only problem was my money was gone and by the time I bought gas and lunch and dinner I had nothing to pay my bills with, now what!

cRazY HaPpEnInGs!

Well here are some more things I wanted to share that have been real silly or important. First off I feel I must share the most important thing first. I have been severely depressed for more than 13 years. Beginning last year as I began to lose weight I began to feel better. I lost 38 pounds last year and that is when I began to do these blogs. As you know, though recently I was getting to go back in to that depressed state of mind. I had an ear infection that took 12 weeks to get over and I gained 14 pounds back I think that had some to do with it (I am morbidly obese!) Anyway, I began to feel some better and little bit by little bit I had been making progress, when all of a sudden, quick as a flash, Tuesday night while just sitting on the couch at work it was like God stepped in and healed my heart, my mind and my soul all at onc,e and without anything going on at the time. I mean I wasn't praying or thinking about anything important at the time or anything, but all of a sudden a joy swept over me more powerful than any other time in my life, even the joy of the birth of my daughter, and I honestly believe one as life changing as that as well!I can't explain it, it's just better felt than tellt! I have never experienced anything like it and it has changed my life. I am now making lists of everything I need to do and I am working harder than I have worked in years. I have cleaned my house in places I never have! I have an attitude that I CAN DO ANYTHING! Whereas before I felt powerless to do anything. My whole outlook has changed. I lived in fear of the future and what might be stolen from me next to the point I was afraid to open my mail, and so many times I didn't, which was stupid and has caused me some financial problems. Now, I am attacking things head on, taking care of them and moving on. I am also finding out that I can easily handle these things. I am capable, I am worthy, I am smart, and I will no longer waste the gifts God has given me!

Another great thing I found out recently that I had been very worried about is neither Natalie or me has Diabetes. This was a great concern, but God made a way for us both to be tested for free and it came out o.k. and for that I am truly thankful!

For the first time in almost ten years I sent my wife a Valentines. I sent Teresa an e-mail saying Happy Valentines Day, but I left out an n in her address so she didn't get it.

A few weeks ago Natalie complained about the amount of fat on her steak I cooked her for dinner so I went off on a big story how when I was little the only meat we had was neckbones and how she should be thankful for a steak with a little fat on it and after I finished little Natty put her chin in her hands and said soft and slow "tell me more" I thought I would crack up!

I fully believe I am in a turning point in my life where I amabout to see my dreams come true and I also believe these blogs play a crucial role in that. I also really believe I am getting close and that is why Satan has fought me witht his depression coming back. I handled these blogs stupidly by not writing for so long. I was getting almost a hundred hits a day just on this one blog and now we are lucky to get ten (which still I am thankful for!) I have had readers from 14 different countries other than America! I have had people email me with such encouragement and stories of how they have helped them. No telling who has seen them and it only takes one person with the power to read it and make it into a book. Please keep reading and tell your friends!!

I am back did ya miss me?

Let me now apologize for this crude story!

O.K.. guys sorry for the delay, did anyone notice haha? I think I will start with why I felt the great need for a nap. As you all know I work 16 hour shifts and get off at 8 in the morning, well today, by 4 I still hadn't gotten to lay down so I was pretty tired, and I would still be sleeping, but my Natty had called me for our Friday call. (Teresa got the court to agree to no phone calls except Tuesdays and Fridays, can you beleive that.)Natty doesn't get out of school on Fridays until 4:45 cause she stays and does an advanced math class (I am so proud). Anyway, I had went to the bathroom and had been in there (here's the crude part...but funny!) for a while when I thought man why have I been in here so long? O.K.. I guess I guess I have to tell something here really weird about me and that is I pee sitting down. I started this when Natalie potty trained so that I wouldn't make a mess on the seat and forget or something and she might sit in it. (Can this get any more embarassing? Yes and here it goes). So I stood up after sitting about five minutes and turned to flush the commode when I realized the reason I had been sitting there so long is because I had forgotten the most important part of why most men sit on the toilet that being of course being the clean up. I didn't even remember the need for a clean up, so at that I thought I need to go to sleep!

I want to share this to because this is just too weird and has never happened before. When Natty called and woke me up I was having the weirdest dream that I was living in the house we brought her home from the hospital in, and Teresa had to leave her home for a renovation job being done and was staying with me. I was all excited about that even though she was being cold and indifferent because even so we were together (so basically it was just like old times...lol) I was going to the mall and she finally agreed to go with with me after pleading with her. Once there we separated. (which in real life could never happen stay tuned to find out why.) I then saw Andrew from Touched by an Angel, (I love that show!) and he began to encourage me to hold on, and to realize that God was working a miracle in our lives by us just being together in the same house. When we went back home Teresa received a call from her parents telling her it was time for her to go back, and she began to cry and ask to stay longer to which they refused. And that is when I woke up from the call. Ugh I would have loved to see how that turned out! As this story progresses you will learn about many tragedies with Teresa and me both personally and together that makes this dream really stand out. I will probably even reference it in the future.

Forgive me again

Guys I am just exhausted I promise to finish my post from yesterday and make some more postings on the continuing story just as soon as I get a little nap. I will also explain my wore outness and a funny story about what I just did that convinced me to go ahead and nap. I am plum wore out ya'll! Talk to ya tonight!

Wow what a change

O.K. this posting is a little different than previous postings, this is actually going to be a current description of my life so let's leave 1996 and fly 14 years into the present cause there's some things I want to share with ya'll. As always too let me say Thank you so much for clicking in I appreciate it greatly. First of all as you all know I recently went through a bout of depression and I am so happy to say that this Tuesday night the Lord just reached into my soul and it was like he turned a huge switch and things have been completely different ever since. I can not explain it. It makes no sense whatsoever, but I went from sad to glad in just a few seconds. I have made some big changes in my outlook and lifestyle as a result. I have wrote a few pages encouraging myself and laying out the reasons for my heartbreaks and how I was culpable and I tell ya it did me a world of good, you realy should try it. (I had heard this many times in the past and truly thought it was worthless but its not it really is beneficial).
As some of you may remember I mentioned earlier (on the Daily Verse Blog) that I had some big decisions to make and some life changing ones at that. Well I now feel I know what direction I am to take. I do believe that writhing is a part of my future and my readers are a big part of that decision. I have received almost 3000 (296?) hits since December 19th and that's without even posting for nearly two weeks and even though I did that people are still clicking in which tells me you all are interested and I don't take that lightly or for granted. Another thing I have decided is to go back to school. You all don't know yet, but in 2003 after the divorce I finally made it to college for the first time! I was going for a degree in Elementary Education and had to quit in 2006 for reasons I will explain later (for greater effect). So I am in the process now of making arrangements to start in fall and could have my degree by Christmas next year. I have started back on my diet and exercise program because last year I lost 38 pounds but in the last 4 months I gained 14 back so I am getting back to that. I was so glad to find out that neither Natalie or I currently have Diabetes which is something I have been really worried about. I am in danger of being late for work so forgive me as I am writing quickly oh poo just forget it I will post the rest tomorrow evening. God bless you all and thank you Lord for your blessings!

Not Again

Oh no, not again! Here I am again, with no job, and no prospects only this time I have a new car, and a new car payment, with insurance in the amount of 335 a month, not to mention a few other little credit card bills.Even still I had absolute faith that I would be o.k. I still had a chance to make some money in real estate, and I was confident I would have no trouble finding another full time job. At this time I had never been late on a payment and I felt I was extremely good at managing. I was blessed and I fully believed I would have no problems with the Lord's help. I had about 1800 dollars at the time to weather the storm. After all these job worries I made a vow that my next job I would not quit no matter what.(How I wished I had kept that vow) As time went by I had little luck in finding a job. I had an interview with Clayton Homes in Stanford Kentucky the town about 30 miles up the road from me, but that was taking forever as I had to keep going for interviews with other people all over the state. I really wanted that job but I wasn't holding my breath. I couldn't find anything and the money was running out. I still had faith, faith that God would somehow intervene and take care of it all. I couldn't be wrong could I ? God wasn't going to abandon me now? Was he?

What a joke

So being a young naive 21 year old kid who thought really believed he was the smartest person in South Central Kentucky. I truly believed this man and quit my job at the store and made my way across Hwy 27 to his "corporate office" The name of the place was G4 Enterprises. Do you know why it was named that? Because G4 was the latest model name for the Kirby Vaccuum Cleaner. I couldn't beleive I had quit my job and talked Chris into coming to work to sell Vacuum Cleaners door to door. What on earth had I done! How foolish was I? But it was too late now to second guess it I had already burnt my bridge at the store and I had nothing else lined up so what choice did I have but to try and make it a go. So I would report to work at 8 am and we had a sales meeting covering the day befores sales. There were about 20 people and some of them looked like the dregs of humanity and they were selling so I was sure I could. As the week wore on I QUICKLY saw that this was no place for me. They would put us in a bus and go out to a remote area in another town and have us knock on a door and then drive off and leave us so the person felt like they had to let you in. I hated that! What else could I do though? By the end of the week I was a wreck. I had learned that everyone there eas a druggie and this guy was their source. He was paying these people in drugs that he probably got them hooked on in the first place. I had sold 4 vacuums and according to my agreement I should have made 1100. I asked for my pay and he told me he would hold onto it for me and if I needed anything to let him know that the rest of the salespeople used him like a bank and I could to. I told him to forget it, that was it. He threatened to have his boys come up there and drag me down there. I threatened him with the police and hung up. I was scared to death, but my mother had heard me on the phone and rushed in my room screaming and hollering for me to get out before they came and burnt the place down and I was in no way to call the law and report it. I was a nervous wreck, I had no job, an expensive girlfriend and my car insurance was 335 a month, what on earth would I do now?

Tonight what a night

Tonight I went to see the movie Precious. I am overweight and was raised in the projects by an abusive mother so I felt I could relate. While there were some strong similarities, Precious goes further witht he abuse then I experienced so I just left the theater and while driving home I was thinking about what a raw deal in life I had gotten and how even though it wasn't as severe as what the girl in the movie went through it still was no fair when I stopped at a redlight and almost hit a homeless person crossing the road in my little Southern Kentucky town. A place where just a few years ago you would never ever expect to see a homeless person. I went no more than a few feet and in the cold dark hour of midnight saw a total of three separate homeless people all walking in the road. Each one carrying or pulling their belongings. Friends let's be appreciative of the blessings we do have. All of you reading this have a home, have electricity, food and the basic necessities of life. The next time you feel down or like you have been given a raw deal remember there are those who have nothing. Count your blessings no matter how short the list is there are those with shorter lists.

Going Steady

After the trip to the ocean things progressed alright for a few weeks until the next month when one day at work this man came in from a company he called Scott and Fetzer which I had never heard of. He said he was a regional director and he liked my professionalism and he thought I had a great selling ability which of course I ate up. He said Scott and Fetzer had 32 divisions and he would put me in sales and give me a base salary of 2000 a month and then commission, but he wouldn't give me any product information saying he wasn't sure which division he thought I would be most suited for (yeah right). He also said he wanted me right away which meant I would have to quit without notice at the Furniture store. I talked it over with Teresa who thought it was a great oppurtunity and I should do it. So like I would always do I did what she thought best to please her. I knew money was extremely important to Teresa and that she considered them to be wealthy and she wanted to be wealthy. So I did it I quit my job and took this job with what I thought was a professional organization boy was I in for a shock!

This week

This has been a crazy week aside from turning 37 which has been as stirring for some unknown reason as turning 30 was.(Perhaps because for men 37 is truly middle age) Natalie had surgery on her throat and ears and during the surgery Teresa and I waited for her alone and together for the first time in probably 2 or 3 years since Natalie's last ear surgery (tubes). This was the first time we have seen each other period in eight years now that there was open hostility pouring out of her. We really were able to be civil to one another and for one brief moment as Natalie got dressed and we both helped her it actually felt like we were a family again. A few moments later I found myself in my car bawling like a baby and feeling such loss that it was almost unbearable. How could things have gone so wrong.