Saturday, June 26, 2010
Me Singing!!
Here is a video I put on youtube I wanted to share and since so many people hit this site over my music one I thought I would post it here. My music site has all kind so of great songs by the original artists there is everything from Gospel to country to Rock and Roll. Just click on the link on the right that says The Music of my Heart Music.
The Wedding Day!!! Part 1
O.K. folks here it is finally I can't believe it is taken me 6 months to get to the wedding day or that I would be posting it on Teresa's Birthday!
After the big fight I had told Teresa that I did in fact still wanted to get married but the truth was I didn't but when she asked me anything with that heart broke look (which I now know was an act) I couldn't refuse her anything. You have to understand at this time I thought she was an angel impossible of deception or manipulation. So I told her I did still want to get married but inside I was scared to death that I was marrying someone just like my mother who would fight all the time and I just could not and would not go through that anymore. Truth was she was just like my mom in many ways but she wasn't nearly as violent or dangerous.The only thing that kept weighing on my mind too was that stupid house the one I posted the video of earlier (check the archives it's worth a look) I didn't want to stick her with the house which was just in her name, so between that and the look I agreed.
The morning of the wedding was unforgettable my mother screamed and hollered cussed and tried to literally grab me from going out the door. But at the time I thought she was just not wanting to lose my financial support that she didn't care about me. And just as I am writing this it is occurring to me for the first time in my life that I may have been wrong about that. She always knew Teresa didn't care about me. I think she recognized it so easily because she didn't really either. She always blamed me for my father leaving because he was notorious for making babies and then leaving not wanting to support them. As I walked out the back door she grabbed my arm and I shook loose of her hold finally in my life. All I could think of was this is it Now I am free. In the words of the great Martin Luther King Junior Free at Last Free at Last Thank God almighty I am Free at Last!!! I kept telling myself on the drive to Teresa's that this was going to be a new life for me. That things were going to be different now.I was finally going to have a life!! But as I pulled up to Teresa's apartment all that seemed to come to an end because Teresa wasnt........
After the big fight I had told Teresa that I did in fact still wanted to get married but the truth was I didn't but when she asked me anything with that heart broke look (which I now know was an act) I couldn't refuse her anything. You have to understand at this time I thought she was an angel impossible of deception or manipulation. So I told her I did still want to get married but inside I was scared to death that I was marrying someone just like my mother who would fight all the time and I just could not and would not go through that anymore. Truth was she was just like my mom in many ways but she wasn't nearly as violent or dangerous.The only thing that kept weighing on my mind too was that stupid house the one I posted the video of earlier (check the archives it's worth a look) I didn't want to stick her with the house which was just in her name, so between that and the look I agreed.
The morning of the wedding was unforgettable my mother screamed and hollered cussed and tried to literally grab me from going out the door. But at the time I thought she was just not wanting to lose my financial support that she didn't care about me. And just as I am writing this it is occurring to me for the first time in my life that I may have been wrong about that. She always knew Teresa didn't care about me. I think she recognized it so easily because she didn't really either. She always blamed me for my father leaving because he was notorious for making babies and then leaving not wanting to support them. As I walked out the back door she grabbed my arm and I shook loose of her hold finally in my life. All I could think of was this is it Now I am free. In the words of the great Martin Luther King Junior Free at Last Free at Last Thank God almighty I am Free at Last!!! I kept telling myself on the drive to Teresa's that this was going to be a new life for me. That things were going to be different now.I was finally going to have a life!! But as I pulled up to Teresa's apartment all that seemed to come to an end because Teresa wasnt........
Fresh Posts!
Natalie is with Teresa today celebrating her 41st birthday. I will be updating all blogs and there will be many new posts so make sure to see it all! Natalie will be spending all next weekend (4rth of July) with her mother so there will be new posts then too. There are also new videos on youtube at youtube.com/user/nattysdaddy1. These videos are of Natalie acting goofy at a Cincinnati Reds Game. I think they are pretty funny I hope you do too. Thank you all so much for clicking in while I have had Natty! I see I have had over 350 clicks during that time and I appreciate it!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Important Announcement
I want to let everyone know that tomorrow at 4 Natalie comes home for the summmer. She will be here for 5 weeks except on the 26th which is Teresa's birthday and then the weekend of July 2nd. I will not be on the computer at all those 5 weeks except for those days. I will make several new posts then with lots of new pictures and videos. Don't leave now the sotry is just getting good when the wedding takes place it all gets real interesting. You won't believe some of the stuff that happened, some wonderful and some tragic just like all our lives right? Thank you for understanding but our time is so limited I want to spend every moment with her I can. Parents take this as a lesson. Your children need you more than you need the internet.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
The pre-wedding night!!
After Teresa closed on the house I guess the stress and the guilt began to take hold of her. She became even more moody and frazzled than usual. I say guilt because I know that she didn't love me and I believe that was eating at her. She would bite my head off in a flash and she constantly had a look on her face of disgust and it was like she was seeing something filthy that made her sick to her stomach. I excused it at the time as nerves, but I knew better deep down. I knew that as sacred as marriage was to Teresa that to marry someone she didn't love and just as bad in her eyes that her parents couldn't stand was the hardest thing she had ever done. I wanted to relieve her of that pain and just call it all off, not because I didn't want to marry her but because I wanted her to be happy and I knew I could probably never do that for her, although I would try with all I had.
Things were getting worse as the time was drawing near, we had set a date for August the 5Th, although I can't remember now why we chose it. We were determined to be prepared so we went furniture shopping and bought the furniture before hand, we got a window air conditioner unit and we went to the flea market and got some beautiful gold framed pictures that were all hand made. Everything was done in gold burgundy and emerald green. It was beautiful if you can believe that from the video I posted earlier.It looked like for the first time in my life that my dream of a beautiful and peaceful life might come true even if it was based on a lie. We wanted everything to be ready for the big day, so the night before we worked our butts off putting clothes up hanging pictures getting groceries so that we could just come home and start living which is where we wanted to spend our honeymoon. So after a few hours of work I start getting silly which was a big mistake! I would come up behind Teresa and tickle her which would make her so mad, she would take my head off finally I got it through my head to leave her alone, but after about an hour since my last attempt I forgot and I scared her by going in the room and going BOO!! She totally flipped out and began throwing everything she could get her hands on at me. Had she hit me with some of that stuff she may have killed me!! She even got up and followed me as I ran away trying to take cover it was like she was possessed!! After I got to the kitchen she stopped and started crying. I stood at the sink and could barely believe what just happened. I was literally gasping in air and in shock I suppose. I wanted and felt like I should walk out the door, what was I doing marrying a person who obviously not only doesn't love me but can be violent. I mean Teresa had smacked me a few times but only once before had I ever took it serious, the one time I took it serious I guessed I had deserved it we did this thing where we would race to the car from a store and one time she took off before 3 so I yelled stop thief ad she took that sack and whopped me a good one let me tell you. That should have been a sign right there. But as I stood at the sink I began to hear Teresa crying which immediately softened my heart. I turned from the sink and immediately I thought just walk out the door and don't look back! And just as quick I thought you can't do that she has already bought the house you are already stuck! It never occurred to me that I could pay the payment on it till she sold it, or the fact her payment was cheaper than her rent had been anyway I just didn't want to saddle her with a house that she didn't love right off the bat anyway.
The knowledge though that I was marrying a woman that was violent scared me to death, she was so like my mother it was startling and scary to say the least!! I had so wanted to escape that kind of life and thought that at least with the marriage I would be fleeing that sort of troublesome life. That I could live a respectable stable peaceful life was what I wanted so bad would I never find that. Was I destined to live like a trashy redneck lowlife all of my days, was there no escape of that for me? I walked into the living room to see Teresa on her knees crying my heart melted of course but I tried my best not to show it. I said is this what it would be like if were married? Teresa asked "do you even still want to"? I replied.....
Things were getting worse as the time was drawing near, we had set a date for August the 5Th, although I can't remember now why we chose it. We were determined to be prepared so we went furniture shopping and bought the furniture before hand, we got a window air conditioner unit and we went to the flea market and got some beautiful gold framed pictures that were all hand made. Everything was done in gold burgundy and emerald green. It was beautiful if you can believe that from the video I posted earlier.It looked like for the first time in my life that my dream of a beautiful and peaceful life might come true even if it was based on a lie. We wanted everything to be ready for the big day, so the night before we worked our butts off putting clothes up hanging pictures getting groceries so that we could just come home and start living which is where we wanted to spend our honeymoon. So after a few hours of work I start getting silly which was a big mistake! I would come up behind Teresa and tickle her which would make her so mad, she would take my head off finally I got it through my head to leave her alone, but after about an hour since my last attempt I forgot and I scared her by going in the room and going BOO!! She totally flipped out and began throwing everything she could get her hands on at me. Had she hit me with some of that stuff she may have killed me!! She even got up and followed me as I ran away trying to take cover it was like she was possessed!! After I got to the kitchen she stopped and started crying. I stood at the sink and could barely believe what just happened. I was literally gasping in air and in shock I suppose. I wanted and felt like I should walk out the door, what was I doing marrying a person who obviously not only doesn't love me but can be violent. I mean Teresa had smacked me a few times but only once before had I ever took it serious, the one time I took it serious I guessed I had deserved it we did this thing where we would race to the car from a store and one time she took off before 3 so I yelled stop thief ad she took that sack and whopped me a good one let me tell you. That should have been a sign right there. But as I stood at the sink I began to hear Teresa crying which immediately softened my heart. I turned from the sink and immediately I thought just walk out the door and don't look back! And just as quick I thought you can't do that she has already bought the house you are already stuck! It never occurred to me that I could pay the payment on it till she sold it, or the fact her payment was cheaper than her rent had been anyway I just didn't want to saddle her with a house that she didn't love right off the bat anyway.
The knowledge though that I was marrying a woman that was violent scared me to death, she was so like my mother it was startling and scary to say the least!! I had so wanted to escape that kind of life and thought that at least with the marriage I would be fleeing that sort of troublesome life. That I could live a respectable stable peaceful life was what I wanted so bad would I never find that. Was I destined to live like a trashy redneck lowlife all of my days, was there no escape of that for me? I walked into the living room to see Teresa on her knees crying my heart melted of course but I tried my best not to show it. I said is this what it would be like if were married? Teresa asked "do you even still want to"? I replied.....
New Milestone!!!
In a few days this site should receive it's 5000 click. I started this on December 19last year and I am tickled that within 6 months we have received that amount of clicks the total for all the blogs is nearly 9000 including two that I no longer do. The blog has been viewed all over the world and in most of the United States and I am truly humbled when I see returning clicks from the same far away cities, thank you all so much!
A-lot going on!
O.K. from time to time I like to update you all on new changes in my life and right now there is some very significant and exciting changes going on. The biggest and best change in my life though unfortunately I can not go into details on, but if you are an avid reader of the blog and have read from the beginning which I highly recommend, then you know that I have only loved one other woman in my life and I want you to know that through the blogs I have gotten to contact her, and it has meant the world to me. She unlike Teresa truly cared for me and other than my daughter is the only person in the world I have ever felt that from, so getting to speak with her has been a huge blessing for me. (You can check out the archives to find out more).
The next big change in my life is that I am returning to school this fall to get my teaching degree. I have one more semester to get my associates degree and then will start my teaching program in January. I hope to have my degree by Christmas 2012. PLEASE pray for my being able to pass Algebra! I have already got my classes filled out and my financial aid work done I still have to take the ACT which I plan to do in September. I have a dream of being a teacher and a writer , will my dream come true? What I do every day will depend on it and the same goes for you. Get started on your dream today!
My other big change is I am starting back on my weight loss journey and I finally had a week of loss. I lost two pounds to be back at 286, last year I started out at 320 and ended up at 282. I ended up getting sick in the last few weeks weeks of the year (and it was through that illness that the blogs was born) and by the time I was well in February I had gained back up to 296 I worked hard and by April had got down to 281, but again I hit a wall and couldn't gt past 280 so I quit and gave up and in just two months my blood pressure has skyrocketed and I feel horrible so I know the exercise helps me tremendously and when I am going regular I love it because I feel amazing, so I ask you again to pray for my continued drive to keep going.
In addition to writing the blogs I am working on two books, and it is going slow because with working 65 to 75 hours a week and everything else I don't have much time, but I am abut 1/3 done with one and have almost ten percent done on the other one which is Unfair Justice remember that one? One of my classes is Creative Writing so maybe I will learn something.
Now I am also excited the most over this one in the summer Nataie comes home for 5 weeks!! It begins this tuesday and I can't wait!!! I just don't know how I am going to get it all done but with God's help I know I WILL make it. God bless you all and again thank you for clicking in.
The next big change in my life is that I am returning to school this fall to get my teaching degree. I have one more semester to get my associates degree and then will start my teaching program in January. I hope to have my degree by Christmas 2012. PLEASE pray for my being able to pass Algebra! I have already got my classes filled out and my financial aid work done I still have to take the ACT which I plan to do in September. I have a dream of being a teacher and a writer , will my dream come true? What I do every day will depend on it and the same goes for you. Get started on your dream today!
My other big change is I am starting back on my weight loss journey and I finally had a week of loss. I lost two pounds to be back at 286, last year I started out at 320 and ended up at 282. I ended up getting sick in the last few weeks weeks of the year (and it was through that illness that the blogs was born) and by the time I was well in February I had gained back up to 296 I worked hard and by April had got down to 281, but again I hit a wall and couldn't gt past 280 so I quit and gave up and in just two months my blood pressure has skyrocketed and I feel horrible so I know the exercise helps me tremendously and when I am going regular I love it because I feel amazing, so I ask you again to pray for my continued drive to keep going.
In addition to writing the blogs I am working on two books, and it is going slow because with working 65 to 75 hours a week and everything else I don't have much time, but I am abut 1/3 done with one and have almost ten percent done on the other one which is Unfair Justice remember that one? One of my classes is Creative Writing so maybe I will learn something.
Now I am also excited the most over this one in the summer Nataie comes home for 5 weeks!! It begins this tuesday and I can't wait!!! I just don't know how I am going to get it all done but with God's help I know I WILL make it. God bless you all and again thank you for clicking in.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Crazy Day Again!
It has been a very crazy day again this friday and so I will make all new postings either late late tonight or tomorrow and as always thank you for clicking in!
Monday, June 7, 2010
We're getting close...
I was so disappointed when Teresa came to see the house and basically took one look at it and said "no way". Somehow I was shocked at her although I should have known. Now keep in my mind at this time everything was new and freshly painted white. Yes the house was small, but it was in excellent shape and the price was wonderful, just cming from bankruptcy I certainly didn't want us to have to struggle right off the bat. I couldn't believe Teresa could not see the value in the little house I mean was she blind? What I didn't know then was that appearances were extremely important to Teresa and the little house didn't send the right appearance to other's about our finances.She wanted us to look rich to impress people, mostly her parents, but also people from work and at church. However good sense finally prevailed because she called me like two days later and said let's look at it again. We went back down there after work and Teresa looked at it one more time and this time it was like she saw it with her eyes instead of her mothers. She saw the potential it had to make a great first home and it did really fit us and our style. It was old fashioned looking but bright and clean (once). I took Natalie to see it yesterday since the door is wide open and we said this house if it was fixed would be so Avonlea that is in reference to our favorite tv show Road to Avonlea which is a spin off of Anne of Green Gables. Teresa agreed finally and we I should she bought the little house. Now I was stuck there was no turning back now in my mind I couldn't leave her holding the bag for this house even after she......
Friday, June 4, 2010
New Posting
Hello Friends! What a week we have had people from over 20 states click in this week! Thank you so much. Today is crazy for me so I probably won't get new posings up till maybe even monday, but you won't be disaapointed because we are almost to the marriage and trust me that s when all the drama starts. I will post as soon as possible and I apologize for the delay, but I have to have adequate time because it's going to be a good one!
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