The Big Decision

So here I am in this most foul mood, heading out in the dead of winter, in my old Caddy with almost 200,000 miles on it. I was upset, worried, frustrated and oblivious to how stupid this really was. I mean I didn't even have a clue as to where I was headed or if my old car would even get me back home. I had no idea if I would run into a snow storm or ice. I just knew I had to have some quiet time without anyone, especially my mother screaming about what they thought about all of this. I headed out toward Louisville and by the time I got there my mind was a blank. I honestly hadn't had a single thought (just some tears) in nearly 150 miles! I said to my self that I would go on to Indianapolis, yes that's it and surely by that time I will know what I want/need to do. The stretch of Interstate between Louisville and Indianapolis was a little more productive at least, I had some thoughts. I could only really concentrate on how mad she could make me. The only other person who could make me so angry was my mother. I think it's because they were supposed to love me and I knew or at least felt they didn't. I also knew though that if I didn't really and truly love them both then I wouldn't have cared enough in the first place to get so angry. I was not about however, to live my adult life the way I had lived my childhood (just look in the archives at those posts!). Still I loved Teresa and maybe I would never find love again? What am I going to do? JUST KEEP DRIVING!?!