After Teresa closed on the house I guess the stress and the guilt began to take hold of her. She became even more moody and frazzled than usual. I say guilt because I know that she didn't love me and I believe that was eating at her. She would bite my head off in a flash and she constantly had a look on her face of disgust and it was like she was seeing something filthy that made her sick to her stomach. I excused it at the time as nerves, but I knew better deep down. I knew that as sacred as marriage was to Teresa that to marry someone she didn't love and just as bad in her eyes that her parents couldn't stand was the hardest thing she had ever done. I wanted to relieve her of that pain and just call it all off, not because I didn't want to marry her but because I wanted her to be happy and I knew I could probably never do that for her, although I would try with all I had.
Things were getting worse as the time was drawing near, we had set a date for August the 5Th, although I can't remember now why we chose it. We were determined to be prepared so we went furniture shopping and bought the furniture before hand, we got a window air conditioner unit and we went to the flea market and got some beautiful gold framed pictures that were all hand made. Everything was done in gold burgundy and emerald green. It was beautiful if you can believe that from the video I posted earlier.It looked like for the first time in my life that my dream of a beautiful and peaceful life might come true even if it was based on a lie. We wanted everything to be ready for the big day, so the night before we worked our butts off putting clothes up hanging pictures getting groceries so that we could just come home and start living which is where we wanted to spend our honeymoon. So after a few hours of work I start getting silly which was a big mistake! I would come up behind Teresa and tickle her which would make her so mad, she would take my head off finally I got it through my head to leave her alone, but after about an hour since my last attempt I forgot and I scared her by going in the room and going BOO!! She totally flipped out and began throwing everything she could get her hands on at me. Had she hit me with some of that stuff she may have killed me!! She even got up and followed me as I ran away trying to take cover it was like she was possessed!! After I got to the kitchen she stopped and started crying. I stood at the sink and could barely believe what just happened. I was literally gasping in air and in shock I suppose. I wanted and felt like I should walk out the door, what was I doing marrying a person who obviously not only doesn't love me but can be violent. I mean Teresa had smacked me a few times but only once before had I ever took it serious, the one time I took it serious I guessed I had deserved it we did this thing where we would race to the car from a store and one time she took off before 3 so I yelled stop thief ad she took that sack and whopped me a good one let me tell you. That should have been a sign right there. But as I stood at the sink I began to hear Teresa crying which immediately softened my heart. I turned from the sink and immediately I thought just walk out the door and don't look back! And just as quick I thought you can't do that she has already bought the house you are already stuck! It never occurred to me that I could pay the payment on it till she sold it, or the fact her payment was cheaper than her rent had been anyway I just didn't want to saddle her with a house that she didn't love right off the bat anyway.
The knowledge though that I was marrying a woman that was violent scared me to death, she was so like my mother it was startling and scary to say the least!! I had so wanted to escape that kind of life and thought that at least with the marriage I would be fleeing that sort of troublesome life. That I could live a respectable stable peaceful life was what I wanted so bad would I never find that. Was I destined to live like a trashy redneck lowlife all of my days, was there no escape of that for me? I walked into the living room to see Teresa on her knees crying my heart melted of course but I tried my best not to show it. I said is this what it would be like if were married? Teresa asked "do you even still want to"? I replied.....
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